Mean Ol’ Universe

Man! The universe just keeps testing me. It’s a demonic presence trying to push me to the liquor store. This makes me mad and I’m already mad. Work. Work has been, well, work. It’s been a lot of manual labor, moving chairs and tables, and holding back my frustration with my employees. I’ve realized something about myself during my recovery: I do not like being in charge of people. Being in front of a lot of people gives me anxiety. I don’t think I’ll be able to act on stage anymore but who knows… like I’ve done that in the last eighteen years. I like being in charge of my own stuff, not a team of people. I’m not a good motivator for others. I sent my boss a nasty email regarding one of my staff and I wish I hadn’t but oh well. She needs to know that our non-confrontational discussion with this guy last month didn’t work. I’m getting real sick of him saying that he’s bored when there’s tons of stuff to do. We had a rush at the cafe because of a break during an event and I purposely didn’t stock so he could experience the frustration of not having what you need when you’re busy. I don’t think it translated for him. He just stood at the register while I made all the drinks. Anyway, I could go on and on about this idiot (who’s as nice as can be in a non-work setting) so I’m gonna stop right here. 

Vivian had an extremely bad day. She was bullied on the playground and it set her off. She had a miserable day at school and then brought her misery home and tormented my mum and I until one of us snapped. She “reset” herself but it didn’t last long. Being bullied plus not getting a good night’s sleep made for a disaster of a day. I hope and pray that it’ll get easier for her. Her condition prevents her for expressing emotions in a correct and proper way. So she pushes my buttons until I’m on the edge… anyway, this day is over. I’m watching some comedy movies, eating cheesy garlic bread. My form of self-care, the cheesier, the better.