Navigating Life Changes During Job Searches

Today was a nice day. It’s been relaxing even though I had an interview. The interview was at a really swanky vineyard and I really, really want that job. To be honest, I’ll take either job, but I didn’t feel taken seriously in the interview. I looked super smart with a red and black blazer and all black underneath. I had the right things to say in my opinion. I don’t know. This interviewer said that they would be making decisions next week as well, so bollocks to that. I knew something like that would happen. During breakfast, I sent a decline to the job offer and it hurt my soul a little considering I really need a job. I’m thankful though for the opportunity to find a part time job and still be okay. I’ll be waiting ever so patiently for someone to call on Monday but we’ll see. I’m still applying but looking for part time work has narrowed my search a bit and since serving isn’t my immediate job, it’ll be tough to find something like that.

Anyway, I have a furniture assembler coming over tomorrow to build my dressers that have been sitting in my room in their boxes, waiting to be built since February! Finally! I don’t know why I’ve chosen this time of all time with no job and everything, but I need it done. I’m sick of living out of totes. He said that he can build them both in two hours but we’ll see. AI said an experienced builder would take three hours… that’s what I’ve budgeted for so we’ll see how far along he gets in an hour. I’m so happy about this. I have to move everything out of that little “alcove” so he’ll have space to work. Then when it’s built, I’ll take great pride in organizing my belongings inside of the drawers. Mum doesn’t believe in drawers. Maybe that’s why her room is always such a mess, I don’t know. It’s nice that there’s no pressure from her to keep my room clean.

Speaking of Mum, the drinking started earlier than usual today. I don’t know why. Am I that miserable to be around? I can’t explain it. We got home from a nice outing at the vineyard and then to Hobby Lobby where I got the cutest Queen of Hearts playing card diamond art. I originally went there for a wooden “V” to color for Vivian’s bedroom, but left with so much more. I even got a gift for Mark’s Dad since tomorrow is his birthday. Speaking of birthday’s, it’s my Uncle’s birthday and I finally summed up the courage to call him. I didn’t bust out into tears and coincidentally, Dad was even there with his new side piece. They were taking him out to Malibu for a scenic drive. I wish that I could have joined them. I miss my Uncle. I’m really going to try to communicate more with him. It’s stupid of me to distance myself from someone who can’t speak just because I’m a mess and feel bad for them. I have to set those selfish feelings aside and just love him. Anyway, back to Mum. It’s so hard to be around her when she’s drinking. And I can’t bring it up either or else her entire demeanor changes from happy and silly to really sad or really mad, just because she’s being called out for drinking. It’s so upsetting to deal with. I wish she just wouldn’t. She said that would try and didn’t, like at all. She lasted maybe three days. But I have to remember that she’s dealing with a whole different tier of anxiety than I am… but still, alcohol just makes problems worse. I hate being around her when she’s drinking and always have, except when I was drinking. I could finally be on her level. Now that I’m not on her level and can’t be on that level for personal reasons, she’s just annoying. I still love her though. No fighting as of yet. There was one instance where her anger could have ruined the entire day but because I kept my cool instead of insisting on fighting, the day was saved. That happens quite a bit. More than I’d like to admit.