Creating Boundaries

Mood:

Listening to: Lekota – I Used To

Yesterday was rough. I was on the patio for the majority of the day and it was the hottest day of the year so far. I was boiling. And then the major temperature change from going inside and then back outside and then back inside, my body was feeling it. Plus, I was feeling achy, like I’m getting sick because I’m pushing myself too much. Also, I’m getting phlegmy and wake up, gasping for air. I’m not in a good way. I have to take it easy, but I can’t. I seem to have to step in for Mum a lot lately. She had the day off and after I got off of work, I picked her up before picking up Vivian. After she spoke for ten minutes straight about not having a passion for anything and not doing anything with her life, it dawned on me that she’s completely wasted. So now, after a long, grueling day of work, I have to take care of two children while going grocery shopping. I mean, looking back now, did we really think we could pick up Vivian, go grocery shopping, cook dinner, and eat within a reasonable amount of time? After dragging them around the store for an hour, we finally get home. I get Vivian in the bath and Mum says that she doesn’t want to cook so I have to go back out to get something for us to eat. I was so annoyed. After getting Viv in bed and eating dinner, I get in bed myself but Mum insists on telling Viv to get to sleep, over and over again. She came into the room and sat on her bed, tickled her and spoke with her. It’s nice that they’re spending time with each other, but at the same time, it’s almost 11:00pm. Who exactly is getting her up for school in the morning? It was annoying that she was drunk and didn’t realize what she was doing. We had a major blow up at Christmas and she promised that she would stop. That lasted about three days. It’s been five fucking months now. If she keeps drinking, then I’m going to have to start again because I can’t keep dealing with her while she’s on another level. It’s not fair. She keeps complaining to me about my cat and his antics and instead of keeping him locked away in a cage for hours on end, why not just rehome him before any real attachment occurs? She started yelling at me, repeating herself so I had to yell back to get her to stop. I could tell she was about to snap at me for snapping at her… it’s so fucking backwards. And this kind of shit only occurs when she’s drunk. So why not just join her?