What a whirlwind the past week has been. My dental surgery was a success, sorry to all you haters: I’m still alive and kicking. I’m in great pain though, still. It’s been like four days now. I haven’t been the greatest at taking my medications on time or even at all so I truly have no right to complain. Work has been relentless, expecting me to show up and actually work. Like wtf? I was crawling to this vacation. The universe tried to stop me from coming. A respiratory infection (self-diagnosed), two teeth pulled, then my Aunt Flo showed up. Ugh. This is actually the first time that I’ve felt relaxed but it could be the oxycodone. I’ve been a tightly-wound ball of stress.
Packing was stressful for me because I had to pack for myself and my child and it was only nine days but I want to bring so many things. After taking a moment to breathe, I realized that I can’t fit nine days worth of wardrobe in a tiny weekender suitcase. I found a really cute bag at TjMaxx and stuffed the shit out of it. Then I realized I can’t fit all of Viv’s stuff in her backpack and she was entitled to a carry-on bag for the plane so “fuck it”, she got the backpack AND the weekender. I also put some of my stuff in it too. Win win. We slept at Mums the night before because I knew that Mum was going to need help with everything involved. We cleaned her flat, did some laundry, packed her suitcase (which she borrowed from her beautiful only daughter) and left right on time. With the government shutdown in progress and all the drama going on in Portland, I wanted to make sure that we had enough time. Mum is notorious for taking her sweet ass time and we had to go to the long term parking lot, take the shuttle, get through security… surprisingly enough, everything went smoothly. The flight was on time, we made sure that our gate existed before looking through the shops. It sounds relaxing but I was still grumpy. The flight was decent. We sat in the very back of the plane, next to the only seats with no friggin window. Vivian was a little disappointed but the lady in front of us was nice enough to show us pictures of the outside wonders when flying through the sky at night. There were a few bouts of turbulence but I just held on and prayed, as I do in that situation because what else can you do?
We landed in Ontario. We took another shuttle to the car rental facility, then ANOTHER shuttle to our cheap-ass car rental which was a good ten minutes away from the airport. I made the mistake of making our reservation for the car under my name… they wanted a credit card or a debit card with at least $500 as a deposit for the car… after stressing out all day, this was the last thing I fucking needed. Unfortunately Mum had to step in and make a new reservation with her credit card, I hated feeling out of control. Thankfully I’m a listed driver but still. Anyway, we got the car rental situation taken care of, they even upgraded us to a Volkswagen Atlas, a luxury SUV. I feel so spoiled driving it given that my hoop-dee has no stereo and deflating tires. Anyway, we stopped off for some Del Taco, a Cali/personal favorite. We had to get Viv corndogs across the street at Wienerschnitzel because she refuses to eat Mexican food (snob much?). My burrito was terrible and I should have gotten a chili dog but whatever, I was starving and tired and stressed.
We got to the hotel and promptly passed out. Viv got a quick disco nap in the car before we reached our final destination for the night so it took her quite a while to fall asleep. She was deliriously tired. It was nice waking up with a pool just beyond the curtain. We had breakfast in the restaurant that’s located inside the hotel and then went swimming. Through the whole day, I was stressed and grumpy. I felt bad for Mum, she had to put up with me. But like: I’m sick, my gums hurt which means eating sucks, I’m on my period so I’m emotional and crampy, and it is absolutely impossible to relax with Viv around. She’s a busy kid, constantly doing something or talking or dancing and while it’s adorable and she’s a kid, it’s a lot. She’s extra and I have to remind her that she is, quite often. Anyway, I told Leo that I would get on the road around 4pm but with Mum’s errands, that turned into 6pm…
So I’m here now, at Leo’s house, in Ojai. I finally feel relaxed and you know what? I don’t think it’s entirely Vivian’s fault that I was so stressed. It’s Mum. Mum means well but she stresses me out too. It’s a nice break from her to be honest. The whole journey out here, I feel as though I’ve had to hold her hand… for example: she came without a jacket because I didn’t remind her to bring her jacket… she’s an adult but still. I guess I’m taking on her problems when I shouldn’t because she’s an adult. Anyway! Tomorrow is an emotional day. We’re going to see my Uncle who is passing away of lung cancer soon. That’s the whole reason why I started to plan this trip: so Viv could meet him before he breaks on through to the other side.
Leo has informed me that when the time comes, he’ll be staying in this house and will “buy” me out. Every time I visit California, I want to move back SO badly. Mark wouldn’t have it but there’s a part of me that doesn’t care. I just love it here. I miss living here but I digress. Still dreaming of my own home, that’s mine and no one else’s.
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