Christmas Preparations

There’s a big event happening at work next week so the maintenance people have brought over all of the Christmas decorations from the storage unit to decorate the building. Personally, I think it’s a little too early to decorate for Christmas, however, after inventorying the Christmas decorations, it made me feel like I want to look at them for as long as possible so why not put them up the week before Thanksgiving? So far, we’ve unloaded three Christmas trees (none of which match, color or lights), four Christmas tree skirts, a bunch of different Christmas ornaments, two Santa suits complete with fake boot covers, and five wreaths. Oh and a bunch of garland. I think my boss is going to order more  decorations online, she hates two out of three Christmas trees because of the lights, apparently she doesn’t like colored ones (of course I made a slightly inappropriate joke about how she’s against colored lights yet she’s married to an African American… so awkward) so she’s excited to look for ones that can match, with clear lights, that make our facility look more sophisticated. I’m about one week away from being employed there for six months, a personal feat considering I couldn’t hold a job for more than three months at a time for a while. I’m still excited to go to work. Regardless if we’re short-staffed, I like being there and being part of the team. There’s something new to do everyday and even though I want to be, I’m not tethered to a desk. I have an issue with staying awake if I’m sitting for too long, it’s annoying. 

Today marks one month of sobriety from alcohol. It feels good but I still have the urges to get completely wasted, even at 8am. I haven’t attended any meetings or tried to hook up with a sponsor. I’m still “white-knuckling” it and it’s going okay however long-term, I don’t know how to cope; I can only stand in my emotions for so long, if I don’t have a plan of attack, they’ll consume me. The last seven years have been a blur and I haven’t been able to stay sober for most of it. It’s gotten really bad the past two years, but after witnessing my Mum’s drunken behavior while on vacation, it inspired me to quit. I haven’t touched it since then. She has, I can tell, and it is what it is. That’s her choice. I can’t drink anymore because I can’t handle myself. 

It’s Mum’s birthday on Friday. I got her a few gifts that I know she’ll like because she’s literally asked for them at some point. I even managed to get them wrapped in really cute gift-wrap and put them on display in her room. She’s off tomorrow so I’d like to go over with balloons. I’m really hoping that she doesn’t start a fight or blow up at me since she seems to do so every holiday. We shall see, I’ll continue to love her unconditionally.