Sobriety & Boundaries

Mum has finally asked me to move back in and I don’t know how to feel about it. I wanted to move into a house with her because her flat is just really small, like it’s only two bedrooms so I would be sharing with Vivian. I don’t mind doing that. I just need to think about it. We’ve evolved in our mother-daughter relationship and I still don’t like that she drinks every Saturday night but she works hard and deserves it… I did too but I couldn’t stop. I literally thought about getting a pint of whiskey this morning. It sucks that I’ll never be free of the whiskey monkey, and it strikes at any hour of the day. I was at Mum’s flat the other day and saw her bottle. It was rough knowing that the temptation was there. One little sip, she’ll never know. But see the thing is: one sip leads to uncontrollable drinking that I’m STILL paying for, literally. I can’t have just one sip, it’ll destroy me. I’m powerless and frankly, I love being sober from it. I can think better, I don’t have to scrap together my daily whiskey money, if I get pulled over, there’s no fear of getting my third and final DUI. Anyway! I’m staying sober from alcohol and it’s clear that she doesn’t want to (this hasn’t changed, even in my childhood when I would beg her to stop) so if I do move back in, I need to create a boundary. If I don’t like being around her, I can excuse myself to my room. She mentioned me having the oversized room and getting bunk beds so she and Vivian could have the smaller room, but that’s silly. It’s slightly desperate. My rent would increase and hers would decrease. I would have to step up and clean more, cook more. These are things I should be doing anyway if I want to be considered an adult. This whole time at Mark’s house, with minimal rent, I should have been saving instead of spending frivolously but oh well. There’s no going back and hopefully I’ve learned my lesson. Not being drunk all the time, my thoughts are less bogged down with materialistic hoarder thoughts.