Tudors & Feels

I feel like Bruce Banner is my spirit animal. I’m still angry. I was extremely angry on Friday, when I discovered that my paycheck has been deposited into an account that was closed last month. I knew trying to get the free $350 for opening an account wasn’t going to end well. I didn’t do it in time and now, I’m suffering. So not only do I not have access to my money to pay off the cash advances that are owed every pay day, now I have to ask my Mum for money for every single thing in my life for the next two weeks. It’s the only way to get out of this cash advance cycle. They should be illegal but so should credit cards and alcohol but whatever. Valentine’s Day was about as unromantic as you can get. No flowers, no chocolate. The whole holiday is fucking scam. Romance isn’t real, it’s something fabricated by Hallmark and Disney to give false hope. I spent so much of my life chasing love when I should have been investing in myself. All of those years, wasted. ANYWAY. I was told my check will bounce back, but Monday is a holiday and I don’t work Tuesday. Just another test of my fucking patience. I’m sure Wednesday it won’t be ready either. Meanwhile, my bank account has been negative and will remain negative until I can get this money. I did my taxes but those won’t be here until next month. This is going to be a really tough two weeks and I’m trying to occupy my mind with getting myself organized so I can enjoy my life and hobbies  rather than live in a hoarder style mess, which is what my room looks like now. I’ve been sleeping in Vivian’s bed while she’s been away. 

That’s another thing that angers me: she’s still sick. She was dropped off last week sick so I meticulously gave her zinc and vitamins to help her immune system. Things haven’t changed. It’s like he does nothing for her, just cough medicine (maybe). Also, there’s no screen time breaks at his house. It’s just constant Switch or TV, rarely does she just play, like a normal kid. I implement them here and she turns hateful. It’s so hard to handle. My days off are split this week and I feel like this day has been wasted being angry and stressed. Ugh. I realize having a day with no ups and downs is impossible (not really when you stay on the couch all day) but I’m looking forward to having a nice day. I didn’t know they were so few and far between as you get older. 

I’ve really been into Tudor history lately. It’s fascinating to learn about customs and how Henry the Eighth changed the course of Britain’s history all because of his desire to marry someone else while being still being married. I don’t think I’ll ever marry and I’m still considering marrying myself to further commit to investing in me. When I bring it up, my Mum laughs. When I bring up where I heard about it, from Tiffany Haddish, she laughs again. It’s hard to take seriously I guess because it’s not traditional.