The Silly Geese

I’m getting so sick and tired of constantly being the one in my department to do the majority of the work for an event. I realize that’s part of my job, but we have a bloody team to help me get things done and lately, they’ve been really sucking. Here’s a breakdown of the four Silly Gooses:

Silly Goose #1: She’s a nice older lady, like Mum’s age. At first, she really didn’t like me and that’s understandable. There’s a lot of turnover in my position because it’s tough to address the three-headed monster that it is. Now we get along famously and since her annual evaluation and a stern talk about toxicity in the café, there have been no complains about her work or her work ethic. She’s my favorite of the flock.

Silly Goose #2: She’s a person. A lazy one, honestly.  She started around the same time as me, like a week before. She was ready for anything and very flexible with her schedule. Over time, her personal drama has destroyed her work ethic. She puts on a show: all of her ailments attack her at once, then her voice cracks and her body aches, then comes the call-out on a Saturday… it’s such bullshit. Today, I found her laying on the floor, in front of my boss, claiming to be exhausted after barely moving for her seven hour shift. So there’s that. Ultimately, she’s just a warm body that shows up on time. I can’t rely on her to get anything done and sometimes there’s a language barrier but at least she’s there. It’s very hard to understand her because English is not her first language if you know what I mean.

Silly Goose #3: He’s just… wow. Some of this guy’s decisions throw me for a loop. He gives absolutely zero shits about his job and doesn’t think about anything before he does it. I can only imagine his personal affairs. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any dumber, he proves me wrong. He’s a slob, takes advantage of free food policy, and gives stuff away in our café which is why I constantly have kids asking for free stuff when I’m covering breaks. He’s young and not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he’s reliable, I guess. Give him something to do and he’ll find a way to either question your every move, do it the wrong way even when he’s shown the right way, or he’ll forget to do it, even if there’s a tangible list. He drives me crazy sometimes and I really don’t enjoy working with him.

Silly Goose #4: This mother fucker is the reason that my job has been so hard lately. I’m really disappointed because he showed real promise when he arrived on the scene not even three months ago. I remember walking out of his interview, thinking to myself, ‘Definitely not hiring that guy’, others in that meeting agreed, then the following week, he came in to fill out paperwork, like wtf. I think he was hired based on nepotism, his girlfriend’s cousin runs one of the ministry departments. Today, he didn’t show up for his shift for the umpteenth time, so hopefully HR is sick of receiving our write-ups because I’m sick of relying on him for important shit, such as being my assistant on Saturdays when we’re the busiest all week. I truly, truly hope that he gets fired so we can hire another person to replace his ass because I’m done with the chances.

Today’s event was pretty much together by me. Besides charging their card (or pressing that button rather), I set up everything: the tables, the buffet, the beverage station. My assistant, Silly Goose #2 took over an hour to make ninety silverware packs rolled in a cloth napkin. That would have taken me about half an hour with a podcast, but she’s just lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy. It’s annoying. I don’t even want her on my team but I don’t have a choice. Her last question to me tonight was, “Do you want me to go home or…” I just answered sharply: “Sure, go home. Thanks for your work today.” I mean, I was mad but I’m not gonna be flat out rude. I think she made the coffee for this event so she put a little effort in. Anyway, I cleaned all the dishes for the event and by all, I mean all: the chef’s dishes, the customer’s plates, the serving plates and chaffers, the customer’s mugs and drinking glasses, I literally mean everything when I say everything. No one else was going to do them because of team fucking sucks. Can you imagine if I had called out, like the Silly Geese do on important days? My boss would have been completely screwed, especially around 2:30, when Silly Goose #4 didn’t show up. It’s been a minute since I did that, called out, but I don’t want to do that anytime soon. It’s rude and plus, I don’t have to. As a full-time employee, I earn vacation time and accumulated a lot last year so I request three-day weekends for myself and wait for them like a responsible person. It’s literally for my mental health and so far, it’s been working. I’ve got a four day weekend coming up (I didn’t get my requested time off last month for Silly Geese reasons) and I’m looking forward to it. It’s in 10 days, woo! I have to have a plan in place so I don’t waste my time and sleep it away. Calling off just creates so much guilt for me, especially if I know that I’m perfectly capable of going to work. These idiot kids that complain about being tired don’t have a kid, don’t work 40 hours, so they can kiss my ass. Just sayin’.