Training & Momhood

Mood:

Listening to: HYPERBEAM – All Day, All Night

It’s been a crazy few days! I continued my training on Wednesday with one of the leads and head wine person. This person knows so much about wine, I couldn’t help but take so many notes and copy what she was telling our tables. She thinks I’m going to do very well despite one hiccup… on the first day back (Wednesday), I excused myself to the restroom and went upstairs to retrieve my vape. Big mistake, huge. I kept it on my person and about fifteen minutes later, she pulled me aside and asked if I had smoked on my “break”. I was so embarrassed, my face instantly blushed and I blamed it on my body odor. So my policy with my vape is just to leave it in my car. Not even in my bag if I bring one in. I can’t lose this job over puff, I just can’t. Yesterday was so much better. I’m getting the flow of the tables down and I trained with her again. Thankfully she didn’t say anything to the upper management. And if she did, they didn’t say anything to me. I assumed that I was going to lose my job yesterday but I’m so glad that I didn’t. I got through the day with just a few puffs on my vape during lunch. Before starting work on Wednesday, Vivian’s school called and I had to pick her up early. Poor thing had a headache which I think is actually a toothache. She needs a tooth pulled. At seven. Ugh, I feel like I failed her as a mother.

Today is going to be a long day. I’m at work from noon until nine I presume. We close at 8pm and I’m one of the people that get there “later” so I have to stay “later”. Anything is better than closing at 10pm and commuting forty-five minutes home like I was doing before. I had such a bad night’s sleep in preparation for today, I think I woke up every other hour and eventually pulled myself out of bed around 8am. I went to the store immediately. The last few days at work, I’ve been starving myself for fear of my stomach acting up (also, not a lot of food at home and I can’t afford to eat at work), but the hunger pangs weren’t going away. So I bought protein bars, peanut butter sandwich crackers, beef jerky, things like that. I feel more prepared going in, but I still need a server book to carry all of my notes. I finally received an apron and don’t feel so naked.