Mood: 
Listening to: Mindless Self Indulgence’s Bitches
Work went by really fast. And when I wasn’t serving people, I was worrying about my relationship with Mark. He hasn’t texted me all day and it bothered me. Like, to the point of tears. Then, after work, I went to pick up Vivian and everything was fine. I was very short, like my hair which he didn’t really have anything to say about except that I look good with shorter hair (riiiight) and he said it in front of his mama instead of just me so it’s basically bullshit in my opinion. I told him twice that I had transformed my hair and he never asked for a picture or what I did. I wish he would tell me that I’m pretty, like some validation after not having any for so long. His opinion is important to me and his silence really makes me angry. I haven’t texted him and don’t intend on doing so until he does first. And I know that sounds childish but imagine you’re the person who’s always (and I do mean always) starting the conversation and getting absolutely no back and forth. Imagine the other person is sharing what they like to do and you’re interested and asking questions, then the tables are turned and the other person could give a shit less, changes the subject or in fact goes silent. It’s infuriating. But when I have a problem, he’s right there with a solution, even if it’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard. Ugh, sorry. I’m just angry and hungry. I’m angry with him and angry that there’s a 90% chance that Mum’s had a drink if it’s not morning or time for work. I just want to eat and go to sleep. I don’t want to pretend to be happy anymore or smile for others and put on a brave face. Today has been emotionally tough for me with this whole Mark situation. I thought things would be different now that we’re “together” but it’s not. It’s actually worse. There’s even less communication now and I fucking hate that. I kept checking my phone ALL day like a jackass, hoping for even a “sup” text. I feel like such an idiot for wanting this. He didn’t even get me anything for my birthday. The horrendous trip was the gift (I assume) and that makes me want to cry. Not even a dinner, with just the two of us, or flowers the day of. Who the fuck did I think I was getting in to a relationship with? A thoughtful, talkative person who encourages me to be better and tells me that I’m pretty? That’s what I wanted. He is not that. He once was, but something happened and he lost that capability.
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