Mood: 
Listening to: Glorilla’s Yeah Glo
Today is going better. I’m not lamenting this ridiculous breakup. Of course it still bloody hurts, but I won’t be talking about it so much anymore. He’s in the wrong and the spell has truly been broken. I no longer wish to be with him because that relationship gives me nothing but trauma and apparently it makes me insecure. SO. I love my daughter more than life itself, her father, not so much. I truthfully wish we could move a little farther away so I wouldn’t have to see him so easily. Friday will be the true test, but I fully intend on walking Vivian to the door, waving hello to his mother who is always on the couch, and closing the door. She may or may not know about our breakup, I don’t know. She will get the cold shoulder from me because she birthed such a raging psychopathic narcissist. When someone (especially your significant other) says you have something to work on but it’s not a big deal, that’s a fucking Godsend. Constructive criticism is a real thing and he’ll never realize that.
It’s a stay indoors-all-day kind of day. It’s smoky outside from the wildfires, it’s hot because it’s fucking summer. Vivian has gone somewhere Monday and yesterday so today, we’re chilling inside, in the A/C. I have hella laundry to wash and put away so there’s plenty to do here. There’s so much to tidy and put away. I need to start living minimally, especially if my dream is to someday live in a fancy RV. I watch a lot of RV living videos on YouTube and it seems like such a fun way to live. I’d love to travel across the United States and live in the parts of our country that I’ve only dreamed about. When I envision my future, Mum is definitely in it. I guess I’m done with romance. I’ll never fall in love again. It’s just too much. I finally tore down my own walls and shared a vulnerable “insecurity” with someone that I thought I could trust and that completely ruined everything for my future with someone else. I literally thought that I could trust Mark but actually the opposite was more reasonable. He’s extremely judgmental, regardless of what he says.
I took Viv to the indoor amusement park yesterday. After we got there, I went to the restroom and when I came out, Viv was at our table, in tears. She told me that someone told her she can’t be here because she doesn’t have the right socks. We brought a different company’s socks so I went to the front to give them a piece of my mind. When I was waiting, I noticed a giant “sock policy” sign and decided that my argument was moot so we left for the indoor trampoline park across the street. She had way more fun and we even ran into Amber and her son. It was nice to see her. I got to vent a little about Mark and she showed me her engagement photos which were so beautiful, of course I was jealous. Still, it was great to run into her.
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