Just Like That

Mood:

Listening to: Otep’s TRIC

After finally breaking the news to Mark that I don’t feel connected during the day because we literally do not text at all, he claimed that I had too many insecurities and then proceeded to break up with me through text. All because I wanted him to text me more. He literally said not to gaslight him. I’m not sure he knows what that means because he frequently gaslights me. SO anyway, that sucks but in the end, what joy was coming from that relationship? We rarely saw each other and when we did, it was meh. He couldn’t give me what I want and the next time we come to this bridge, I will inform him of that. He can’t even do the simplest thing so he’s clearly not the man for me. It sucks because he’s Vivian’s father but whatever. I’d rather scour my tits off with a rusty SOS pad than get back together with him. Of course I’m upset. I could tell he was going to lay into me more after dropping the bomb, but I just told him to stop. “I don’t give a fuck”. I told him to go fuck himself and I absolutely meant it. I consulted with AI before texting him about my “issue” so I wasn’t completely unhinged but he doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve me or the best version of myself. Fuck him. For the last fucking time.

So now I’m a single woman. It took 29 days. It feels better. I didn’t like spending the night at his house and not being able to sleep. His arm wrapped around me was nice however he ran hot so it was extremely uncomfortable. Jackie may be a teenager, obsessed with her own things, but come on. Even Jackie, Mark’s other daughter, wants nothing to do with him. He’s a fucking asshole and he refuses to change. I brought something to fix to his attention and he turned it around on me, making me the bad guy. FUCK that. Fuck him. Fuck the future I was trying to piece together with him and my Mum hating each other. Ugh. I’m so done. May I also mention that he’s balding, short, incapable of showing human emotion, and has the most disgusting breath you’ve ever encountered because I’m pretty sure he brushes his teeth about once a year. Fuck him. Fuck him! Ugh, I’m so angry. Then, this morning, he sent some screenshot of our conversation at like 7am. It was talking about me reaching out to see if I could dress up for him to which he declined because he’s not a real man. I don’t understand why he sent it, maybe to see if I’m awake, maybe to get me to respond. Fuck him. I will not. He will hear from me on Friday morning, when I drop off my daughter. That’s right, my daughter. She has my last name because he’s a disgusting piece of shit pig, I keep forgetting that.