Mood: 
Listening to: Nirvana’s Come As You Are
I am big time crushing on this guy at work. All of the girls flirt with him but I know that he knows he’s good looking. We worked together in the special owner’s room today. After I clocked out and got to my car, I stalked his Facebook. Then I changed my profile picture to something more flattering because what if he’s doing the same? He’s so handsome though, and from SoCal, like me. He also graduated as class clown, just like me. He’s so funny and I don’t know whether that’s because he’s truly funny or because he’s so good-looking. Anyway! I’ll be thinking about him until I see him again. I like having a work crush. It gives me something to look forward to. We usually work together on the weekends. So now I gotta look extra cute when I walk into work.
I feel like I’m putting myself in the same boat as I was before, hoping someone will text me because I like the attention. It also gives me something to do. I shouldn’t expect someone to be “glued” to their phone like I am. I’ve been deep diving into Netflix’s The Crash and that whole case. I found a vlogger who’s reading all of the texts sent between the victim and the defendant. Listening to Mackenzie Shirilla’s texts that she sent to her boyfriend that she killed before she killed him… I definitely could be worse. She was needy and totally rude, which I am not. Anyway, I’m sensationalizing (is that even a word) this British guy. I wish he’d text me more but I understand. Perhaps Mark was right: I’m insecure. Now I’m really insecure given that I tore down my own walls to be vulnerable only to be met with aggression and isolation. That’ll take some time to heal from. I have to focus on myself and the fun will come as it may. So I’ll be focusing on my projects.
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