Angry Gratitude

Yesterday was fair, I guess. I decided to go in to work an hour later so I could get my storage stuff handled before work since I couldn’t do it after or during on Friday.

Great success!

Still not sure about the other unit, but I do know that they will not be receiving my money. I have a picture of the empty unit. I believe that’s all the lady who emailed me to tell me that there was no lock on my unit said. I couldn’t believe that, It had been maybe three hours before I was notified. Storage unit places don’t kid around when it comes to no lock, but I figured it’s my shit: if I don’t care enough to lock it then that’s my prerogative. Mark was furious. Like, beyond rational furious. I wonder what plans I fucked up. I really felt like the scum of the Earth because of his behavior toward me. Today, if he persists with the attitude, I’m literally going to tell him to get the fuck over it. Sorry your night was ruined by having to remove and find a new home for your stuff. That feels good too: it’s my storage unit, none of his stuff remains. That’s how bad shit happens. Last time I shared a unit with someone, I lost all of my photo albums from the European years. That was such a great loss, I still grieve to this day.

Still mad, still applying to other jobs like crazy. Absolutely no one is hiring. I’m applying for stuff I know I won’t hear back about but that doesn’t matter. You never know. Perhaps the applicant pool isn’t as glorious as I think it is. Regardless, I’m grateful to have a job but I fucking hate it. My boss was there yesterday. Her excuse was that she was “helping the kitchen” but the truth was she was concerned that I wasn’t going to show up after Friday’s two-punch to the face. Fuck her, everything was fine. There wasn’t five birthdays and a tour of the building to contend with. It was two parties and having to close the café. Easy. She wasted her Saturday essentially. Going forward, I think I may have mentioned this but it makes me feel so good to say out loud: I’m giving zero extra effort. I will stop over-caring, over-sharing, and thinking of ways to make the job easier. My job is a lot of responsibilities, I don’t have that kind of time and literally punish myself when I think about work logistics outside of work. I’m there to get a job done, not make friends or chit-chat and this includes my boss. No longer will I be listening to her long-drawn out stories from her past or even her present. I will shut that shit down with a work question and move on with my life. This is all going to be SO hard for me, it’s another job in itself, but I need to protect my sanity and this job only takes, takes, takes. The paycheck is great, the time off (holidays) is great, but recognition is like pulling teeth. Trying to schedule a meeting with anyone in the administration office is also like pulling teeth and it’s pathetic coming from a “Christian” corporation that boasts inclusivity and support. Don’t even get me started on how this corporation doesn’t actually value or respect their mission statement which is plastered all over the walls. Growth? HA! Discovery? Like, discovering how I’m doing three jobs under one job title? K. Community? That’s a fucking laugh. My daughter will NEVER step foot in that building ever again. I’ll pay $100 to swim in a town 45 minutes away before going there again. I don’t agree with anything they represent and when they blab on about Jesus and Christianity, it’s all fake. Everything is fake there, from the personalities to the support they say they have for you to the smiles to the café. I have four attendants that work in that café, two out of four would not pass a Food Handler’s test. They simply don’t care to keep the information necessary for their job in their fucking brain….

I’m not about to ruin my fucking Sunday thinking about how awful and two-faced my place of work is. I’m working diligently to apply for something else and it has to be extremely competitive, which fucking sucks. If I’m still there by May 18th, I will not be showing up the next day. I won’t give a year of my life to a place that doesn’t respect its employees.

I had lunch with Amber and Ruby at the potential place where I’d like to throw an engagement party for Amber. Was this a good idea? Probably not. At first, she said, “We thought how are we gonna celebrate it?” and then it turned into “it’ll just be us”. I got to see the room Mum has been talking about for banquets and such and I wasn’t impressed but a discounted venue is a discounted venue. I don’t think that Amber will go for my idea which leads me back to square one: Gather supplies and throw a birthday party that makes everyone envious.at will make all the moms envious and want to hire me.