Coping with Change: Reflections on Work and Family Life

Last day of March.

Wow, this month really flew by. I feel like I blogged almost every day. Like I mentioned before, I’m really enjoying pounding away at a keyboard versus thumbing my thoughts with my phone. I’m almost ready to pot everything on the internets and make it public. I just want to be able to cover the costs and have it run for at least a year. Who I’m doing it for, besides myself, I don’t know. I just want a website like that girl I discovered back in middle school. It started with a girl named Wendy in middle school. She was a really beautiful Asian girl and I followed her on AOL. She had a livejournal and I loved reading it. I knew who she was talking about, I knew how she felt, I totally related to her. I was looking through the people that she followed and it must have been the username, but I clicked on another girl’s livejournal, her name was Mya. She was so cool. She was a little older than me and she lived with her mom in Canada. She was goth and a cam-girl, she loved cats and all the same kind of music that I did. I always wanted what she had: a website that was basically her blog and an about me page and pictures of her selfies and her cam-girl shots. She would go live on cam sometimes and just hang out with other people or throw a party and invite people to watch via webcam. I remember getting a webcam for FREE from a site called bolt.com. It was like a social media before social media was a thing. You could get badges for doing playing games or taking surveys and you could link up with people from around the globe. I signed up for something and suddenly received a free webcam in the mail. I could never get to Mya’s status, but I still always wanted to build a website to show off my aesthetic. Even if it was just for me. So now, I’m finally motivated enough to do it… twenty-six years later.

I’m pleased to announce that I have a job interview on Friday. It’s for an office position a few towns over and I really wouldn’t mind the commute to be honest. It would mostly be the interstate. I’m really excited about it and getting my hopes up for it. It’s going to make me happier in the long run if I get it, leaving my current place of employment. Do I include in my resignation letter how I need a role with more structure instead of “you get to do everything in our department all the time”? This job interview came from applying for things that I didn’t think that I would receive a call back for. I’m capable of doing the job, trust me, but I didn’t think anything would come from it. It could possibly be a way out. I barely enjoyed my days off this week. I kept dreading having to go back tomorrow. I don’t want to talk too much more about it, but I’m super-ultra-mega excited. The prospect is going to keep me happy at work for the next few days. After reading a few blogs from the past while dealing with hard times at work, I noticed that I kept saying “I’m blessed to be here” and things of that nature. Am I though? I’m not appreciated at all, the little things I do to make people’s lives easier goes under the radar, I can’t get a mini meeting with my boss to save my life. I’m so done with it. It’ll be a year of employment there and it’s sad how it took me this long to realize that the job is unfair. I really believe that I should tell them why I’m leaving but there’s a LARGE part of me that could give a flying fuck about them or their future. I ran into people from the center while picking up Vivian from her Tuesday night Youth Group. They were weird and unfriendly and it made me wonder why they were there. Go back to the crappy church/center. I never got a good vibe from the pastor that preaches there or his wife. They have been/are reluctant to be cordial with me and that’s not very Christian. The only person who would encourage me to join the church at the center where I work is the music director. She’s so nice. Her and her family who also work for the center. Other than that, looking back at my time there, everyone has been reluctant to be nice to me because my role has been filled so many times, they figure, “Why bother?” Maybe that’s contributing to the turnover. I highly, HIGHLY doubt that these people are savvy enough to think along those lines. They don’t give a fuck, they just want the job done but that totally goes against their culture and philosophy… Fuck them. Rant over.

Tomorrow is the start of my week. It’s Easter this weekend and we dyed eggs yesterday! I’m so glad that we were able to do it at all. I feel like the last few years we haven’t because of relationship turmoil between Mum and me. I’m setting aside a lot and even confessed to Mum after she asked where I would retire. I mentioned where it would be, that she would be with me and I’m 100% okay with that. She makes me happy and her mortality strikes me, making me sad that someday I’ll lose her. Anyway! We’re going to hide ten eggs and let Vivan find them. Oh shoot. It just dawned on me that I’m going to need the reward for finding all the eggs, doy! Vivian had a lot of fun dyeing eggs, I was a little stressed. Too much caffeine. That’s been my problem a lot lately. I love the taste of this energy drink Mum found and it has 222mg of caffeine. Sometimes I’ll have two in a day or one and another power drink with over 100mg so that adds up quickly. I’ll get shit done but I’ll be an irritable bitch about it and that’s not good. It’s far better than being drunk though, I’ll definitely admit that. It’s better than sitting on my ass, blaming everyone for everything.