Respectfully, Screw You

What a horrible day. It started off really grim. Well, actually, it started off good, it just got grim later. Mum got Vivian up and out the door for school. I got ready and instead of make-up, I chose a spicy, musky perfume to douse myself in. I even sprayed a little more on myself in the car before walking into work. On the way there, I spoke to Dad and hit my vape. When I got to work, I clocked in and sat at my desk. As I was answering emails, I noticed the shitty HR lady walked past me and then again. Then the director pulled me into his office. I was told that I smelled like marijuana. I hadn’t even smoked a few tokes of a joint in the kitchen that morning like I normally do and was literally being told that I smelled like weed, I didn’t understand. I pleaded with him, exclaiming that it was perfume, he wasn’t buying it. He said he could smell it then and there in the office. So could I, but it was my perfume. When I asked if I should leave, he said leave and come back not smelling like weed. It was like being yelled at by my Dad. I was furious. I bought a sweater from Walmart and came back, ready to work, sort of. When lunch approached, I literally entertained the idea of just leaving. Putting my resignation letter on Ms. Clancy’s desk, leaving my keys and never returning. I almost, almost did it. It would have felt so good for about 3-4 hours, then it would have been shocking. I really want to have another job lined up before jumping ship. I even asked Mum if she’d text her boss about having me start there as a simple host. No response yet. Isn’t that sad though? I’d rather do that than be where I am. I really don’t want to come in or execute any of my agenda or to-do list tomorrow. I’m completely burned out and after today’s smell-check, it leaves me wondering if that’s going to happen every morning.

It’s going to take every ounce of strength not to write a long, lengthy resignation letter. I’ve already written it, it’s three sentences long. It vaguely brushes on how this work environment is not a good fit for me and where to send my check so that I don’t have to come in ever again. I’d rather resign than be fired to be quite honest. It gives me the power rather than them. If I get fired, they’ll make me feel like I didn’t do enough when in reality, I did. I took on too much because I wanted it done right. My bad. I’m so disappointed. I was literally feeling so confident and content in my job.