Mood: 
Listening to: Godsmack’s Situation
I’m irritated today. Mum knows that I’ve been drinking Black Velvet and she’s been passive aggressive. Mark has been completely silent so I dished it right back and feel childish. I told him that we’d talk tomorrow but I seriously, seriously, seriously need to consider telling him how I hate the lack of communication. I don’t expect 100 messages a day, however, a “how’s your day?”, a “Good Morning beautiful”, even a fucking “sup” would suffice. Anything is better than nothing.
So yeah, the cat is out of the bag. I’ve been drinking again and I don’t feel good about it. I just miss having that connection with my old self who has such courage on the internet. I have incredibly thin skin and am a real pussy when it comes to people saying mean things to me. I never learned how to process and handle it, my Mum just handled it for me, making an ass of herself and me. By that I mean, friends in middle school were being total bitches to me and my Mum came to the school to “talk” to them. She had the right idea, sticking up for her kid, but took it a little too far. Still, she’s my biggest cheerleader and I’m sad for lying to her today about my sobriety date. I fell asleep on her bed and woke up to my cat sleeping next to me. It was so precious, that’s all I ever wanted. Ramsay (my previous cat) used to sleep with me A LOT. I miss that so much and this new cat, he’s not as snuggly.
Watching so much Youtube, I’m getting the influencer itch again. By that, I mean I want to film my life and broadcast it online. I bought a tripod for my phone today, I have a ring light and other accessories… but again, wtf do I talk about? And then, do I have the courage to stand up to the critical opinion of the public? Drinking whiskey though, I could act a total fool online, think it’s so friggin’ good, and then feel like an idiot about it later. Anyway! I just need to pick something and do it. Maybe sobriety could be my niche. Ugh. I don’t know.
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